An unpleasant Cupcake story. There is only one rule in life: We make our own choices and take full responsibility for our decisions. No matter how much you want to turn back the clock, you are stuck in this cold merciless reality. Theme Song: When Doves Cry by Prince.
Title: The Path Not Taken
Category: Books » Janet Evanovich
Author: Cut Myself Shaving
Language: English, Rating: Rated: M
Genre: Drama/General
Published: 10-25-12, Updated: 02-21-13
Chapters: 15, Words: 12,484
Category: Books » Janet Evanovich
Author: Cut Myself Shaving
Language: English, Rating: Rated: M
Genre: Drama/General
Published: 10-25-12, Updated: 02-21-13
Chapters: 15, Words: 12,484
Chapter 1: The Path Not Taken
Chapter 1
The Path Not Taken
They have been married for a little more than eight years.
Their daughter is almost eight. Their son just turned six. He wants another child, but she keep saying no. He has tried all he can, but she won't budge. She wasn't born to be a mother or a housewife, she says. Two kids and an old sick Bob are all she can ever handle. She will go insane if she has to go through another pregnancy. She doesn't know what she will do should she find herself carrying another child. She may do something hurtful and extreme. He looks into her eyes and immediately knows that she's not joking. She means every word she says.
The past few years have not been kind to her. All the duties, obligations, stress, and pressure of being a stay-home mother have worn her down. Now she looks older than she really is. She seldom smiles. And she always seems to be tired, impatient, and grumpy. She's the one who had to quit her job to stay home taking care of herself and the unexpected baby. She's the one who has chop up tomatoes, cook pastas, and clean up after the kids. She's the one who has to help make preparation for all kinds of family dinners and gatherings. And they both know his mother and Grandma Bella are not easy to please. And he's usually not around to help her out.
It's his fault, really. He has a demanding job. He has given his vows to protect and serve. He can't just drop everything and come to her aid whenever she calls. He's no Batman or Superman. He can't afford to lose his job. He's looking forward to a pay raise and a possible promotion. He has to do everything to impress his boss. He has to started saving for the kids' college fund, too. He's terribly sorry, he really, really wants to be there for her, but she's on her own. She's not happy with what he says. She's not a child-making machine. She's not his maid and cook and nanny. She needs his support, his help, his company, and love. Yea, they both know how much she hates doing house chores. Yes, everyone in their families knows she is not cut out to be a full-time mother. She definitely needs all the direction and help she can get, and he's just being lazy and selfish.
He grows bored and tired. It's not the first time he hears her tearful accusation. He's doing his best to suppress the resentment and disgust that suddenly well up within him. He raises his brows at her and gives his shoulders a casual shrug. And, of course, she loses her temper. They've had countless fights over this and other meaningless trifles over the years. And they have nearly run out of things to yell, to scream, to whisper, or to say. They don't even have the energy to tease each other and fool around. They have long forgotten what hot steaming balls-to-the-wall wild animal sex tastes like. The monotonous, unchanging, tedious everyday life has quenched their passion and thirst. She has gained some weight. He has lost some hair(on the top of his head). She has lost the twinkling light in her tired blue eyes. He is developing a beer gut as his lean muscles have begun to loosen. The kids have all kinds of problems in school. Bob's health is failing too quickly. Every time Grandma Bella's eyes fell on them, she reminds them she wants more bambinos.
They wave their arms and yell at each other. The kids are having a sleepover at their cousin's. Bob has gone deaf because of old age. They let out of their anger and frustration without reservation. They have both made plenty of sacrifices, adjustments, and compromises. They both want to hold on to their separate bottom lines. They are both stubborn and headstrong. They both like to do things their own ways. They used to use sex to forget their problems, differences, and conflicts. But now they are both bitter and exhausted. And after six years of relationship on-and-off relationship and eight years of marriage, the sexual attraction is no longer exists. Her breasts are too small. His body is too hairy. She becomes less and less adventurous. He just rolls over and falls asleep. Sometimes they wonder why the HELL they got married and then feel regretful and guilty when their daughter Rose Maria smiles and asks them something.
The only reason they are still together is that they are both Catholic. The Morellis don't do divorce. And once is more than enough for her mother. They stare at each other without screaming or shouting. They are both still angry. They both want to be the winner. They both hate to lose. And, as usual, they haven't solved anything. Their problems are still there. But once again they choose to turn their eyes away and ignore them. He tightens his jaw, walks away and turns on the TV. She stomps upstairs, slams the bedroom door shut and locks it. He turns off the TV, grabs his car keys, calls his pals, and goes out to drink himself silly. She bites her lips as she hears him leave, and cries herself to sleep.
It's just another typical ordinary average in their married life. Almost everyone in the neighborhood knows they are not happy. But they wisely choose to stay out of this. They have their own worries and fears. They have their own lives to live. And sometimes marriage is not about being happy. It's more like a habit or routine.
And love is flat-out overrated.
Chapter 2: The Unwanted Answer
Chapter 2
The Unwanted Answer
The bed beside her is cold and empty when she wakes up the next morning. It's not yet seven o'clock. She has become an early riser. She also knows all about changing diapers and burping the baby. She has no choice, really. She has a husband who firmly believes raising kids is women's duty. She doesn't have Mary Poppins as a nanny. She gets out of bed and goes to the small bathroom. Her eyes are all swollen and puffy. Her sister-in-law will drive the kids home after breakfast. Her mother-in-law will not be pleased if she ever finds out Joe didn't come home last night. And, as usual, they will say it was all her fault. She should have been smarter. She should have been more obedient. She should have been more like her mother, the ever so perfect wife and mother.
Why do you have to drive Joe mad, Stephanie? Why do you always have to make him angry? They will team up, frown at her and ask. Why can't you just nod your head, say yes, and give Joe another child? It's not like you have other things to do at this moment. The kids are old enough, and don't forget you won't get any younger. Soon the clock will stop ticking. This can be your very last chance to have another baby. You know how much Joe wants another little boy. He works his butt off to provide for you and the kids. This is the least you can do to repay him and show him your gratitude and appreciation. What kind of woman are you if you don't want to fulfill your duty as a wife? You can't even cook a decent plate of pasta, for God's sake. You can't really believe you can feed your family with warm milk and grilled cheese sandwiches, can you, Stephanie? What will the neighbors say? What will your poor mother think? She's one of the best cook in this community, for crying out loud.
She changes into an old t-shirt and a pair of worn out jeans. She goes downstairs and feeds Bob before having a simple breakfast. She turns on the TV to repel the empty silence. She keeps her eyes on the screen but doesn't hear a word the chic newswoman says. She always tries her best not to think too much, but sometimes she can't help feeling regret. If only she didn't get pregnant. If only she had the nerves to go to that clinic or had the courage to become a single mother. If only she didn't give in to her fear and to her mother. She stands up, washes the plate and puts it away. If only she had been honest with herself and...She let out a heavy sigh. If only she had been honest with herself and Ranger. The dull ache within her chest once again comes back to haunt and taunt her. She sits down by the dining table, stares numbly into the space, and sees a face: the face of a smiling woman.
There's no turning back. Not any more.
Rozie O'Hara. Early thirties. Bright dark green eyes. Slightly wavy raven black hair. A seemingly softer, sweeter version of the ever so perfect Jeanne Ellen Burrows. Lucille Plum's distant cousin. A clever and successful hunter. The bond enhancing agent who took over her old job but hasn't blown up one single house or a car. The woman who, Connie and Lula said, doesn't do stupid things like marriage and babies. The woman who is said to have found the Bat Cave...
Chapter 3: The Unasked Question
Chapter 3
The Unasked Question
He wakes up next to a naked warm body. It takes him a minute to remember what happened last night. Another fight with Stephanie. Another night spent in a newly-opened bar with his pals. Another curvy blonde woman smiled at him and licked her supple red lips. He felt proud and more than a little happy that most young sexy women still found him attractive. He drank too much beer and whiskey. He's not very sure why he decided to leave with that woman. He didn't mean to cheat on his wife. He vaguely remembers the sleeping woman's name is Tiffany...or Tammy, or something. Maybe he was drunk. Maybe he was being horny and foolish. Maybe he just wanted to have a little revenge on Stephanie. She's not happy that a part of him will always care about Terry. But it drives me mad that a part of his wife will always love Ranger. He has been suspecting that this is the real reason why she doesn't want to have another child.
He quietly gets out of bed. He bends down to gather his clothes and shoes. His head immediately starts pounding. He knows he has made a mistake. He knows he should feel guilty and regret. He zips his pants. He buttons his shirt. He tiptoes out of the small bedroom. Outside in the untidy living room, a tiny, ferocious-looking Chihuahua growls on the couch. He quickly lets himself out. He walks down the stairs. He gets out on the narrow street and soon spots his car. He hopes no one sees him walking out of the apartment building at this hour. He knows Stephanie won't even ask him where he was last night. She, as well as everyone else, will think he spent the night on someone's couch like he usually does.
He drives through the morning city. Maybe he should stop at a bakery for cupcakes and doughnuts. Maybe he should get Stephanie some flowers. He thinks of his daughter and son and suddenly feels bad for what he did. He will be lying if he says he doesn't feel satisfied and contented about last night. The young nimble body. The strong, tempting scent of perfume. The hungry eyes. The eager lips. He hasn't been so aroused in years. He has never thought he will feel so lonely after eight years of marriage. He should be happy. He should be fulfilled. His life should be bright and full of hopes and laughter. He shouldn't be angry, confused, and unhappy. Everybody says they belong together. Everybody says they are right for each other.
Everybody says Rose Maria is a most beautiful little girl. Everybody says Joe Junior looks just like him. But deep down within he knows something isn't right; something is missing. Now all the pressure and stress of his job and life have started to wear on him. And every time he hears about Ranger and his new "Babe", he will automatically taste the bitter taste of bile and jealousy.
Oh yes, he knows Ranger is happy.
The tall dark handsome dangerous Man of Mystery is still driving his expensive German cars. The muscular Cuban version of Bruce Wayne is stilling protecting Trenton and making big money. And every night that beautiful sexy cute clever and young bounty huntress is warming his king size bed. They are a match made in heaven, people say. They are perfect for each other, people smile. That Rozie O'Hara is way smarter than Stephanie Plum. Everyone likes her. All the cops are willing to help her. All the crazies and psychos stay out of her way. Even her skips like her. You don't hear stupid rumours and vicious gossips about her. She's totally different from Stephanie.
And the fact that she now belongs to Ranger makes Joe Morelli, the forty-five years old exhausted father of two children, way beyond mad. Life is so fucking unfair. He narrows his eyes and clenches his teeth as he hits the car horn impatiently. He simply hates feeling like the ultimate loser. Sooner or later he will do something to get even with Fate. Morelli silently swears. And with Ranger.
Chapter 4: A Familiar Stranger
Chapter 4
A Familiar Stranger
Oh yes, he will get even with Ranger. He will find out where all those mysterious black cars come from. The dusty navy blue SUV stops in front of the two-story house; Joe Morelli kills the engine of his car and once again feels the familiar anger rising inside. He doesn't know why he's so mad with Ranger, but he doesn't care. Everybody keeps telling him how lucky he is to have his dreams come true. A house. A job. A dog. A car. A wife. And a couple kids. Not many men can have all the things they want in life. But he can't help wanting more, and more, and more. Life should be more than this. It should be richer, fuller, and merrier. And Stephanie should be more cooperating and much happier. She shouldn't glare at him with that special look in her eyes whenever they have a fight as if he's just not good enough. He has done all he can. He has worked his butt off to make things work. All he wants is a smile from his wife. All he wants is another child. All he wants after a long day's work is a tender kiss and a hearty hug, instead of the endless complaining about his mother and the rest of his rude and inconsiderate family. Now he has also started hating Stephanie for making him feel like a lesser man. And sometimes at a moment like this he just wants to restart his car and drive all the way to another continent and start a new life. Morelli lets out a sigh and gets out of his car. Too late for wistful dreams now. He's already trapped.
The scent of alcohol, perfume, and cheap sex bitch-slaps Stephanie in her face. Without a word her husband nudges past her and goes upstairs. Joe has cheated on her. She numbly thinks. Her heart cracks a little. She starts shaking. She has thought he would stay loyal to her. She has thought he would respect their marriage. She has thought he would never be like his father, uncles, cousins, and brother. She has thought she would be happy. She sits down on the couch and silently weeps. Bob slowly walks over to put his head on her lap and whimpers a little. Upstairs in the bathroom Joe turns on the shower. Stephanie hugs Bob but doesn't feel any better. Once again she has been cheated on. She wonders if this time there was another dining table involved. Soon her tears stop and somehow she wants to laugh. Would she feel better had he come home with flowers and a box of chocolate? Would she sense the other woman had he taken a shower before coming home? All the beautiful romantic dreams she once had when she was a stupid young girl. All the hopes and wishes they once shared when they were still newlyweds. And now they have kids and she doesn't have a job. She can't just walk away or throw him out. Rose Maria and JJ are still too young. They need their father. She needs Joe's income. She has basically no money in her own bank account ever since they started a joint account. And the Morelli men don't do divorce, though they do cheat on their wives.
"Once you go to the Bat Cave it's forever, babe."
Out of nowhere Ranger's voice sounds in Stephanie ears. She slides off the couch and buries her face in Bob's dense orange fur. Around her, her once perfect little world breaks and shatters into zillions and zillions of tiny bitter pieces. A car stops outside on the street. Her daughter's and son's voices reach her ears. She knows she should stand up right now and put on her motherly smile and start fussing around the kids. But she remains where she is. She simply has no strength left. And for the first time in a little more than eight years, Stephanie Morelli finally admits to herself that she has chosen the wrong path. And her Batman is no longer there.
Chapter 5: A Tunnel With No End
Chapter 5
A Tunnel With No End
The first time Stephanie met Rozie O'Hara, she felt a slight twinge of jealousy. The new bounty hunter who'd taken over her place was laughing over something with Lula and Connie, and her beautiful smile and crystal-like laughter made it hard not to like her. Stephanie's heart sank a little bit. She missed her job. She missed the excitement and thrills. She missed her friends. She missed the days when she could just make herself a peanut butter and olive sandwich for dinner or order a pizza from Pino's. She loved her kids with all her heart, but she didn't like being tied up with all kinds of responsibilities and duties. She flat-out hated those endless household chores. She wished someday she could get her freedom back. And somewhere deep down within, she knew she missed Ranger. Whenever she had a fight with Joe, she couldn't stop thinking about all those "What ifs" and couldn't help wondering what the Bat Cave was like. And the moment she looked into Rozie's bright brilliant green eyes, she knew the pretty slender woman in boots and a chic black pant suit was the kind of woman a man like Ranger would want to love.
Stephanie left the bonds office and cried on the drive home. She didn't know what she had been expecting. She was now married with two kids. She had a husband she'd known all her life and God knew how much she hated her nosy and bossy in-laws. She'd thought she'd made the right and sensible choice. She'd walked down that path that had been meant for her. She'd always needed a wedding ring. She's always wanted something safe and permanent. And Ranger's no-marriage no-kids attitude was just not right for her.
Stephanie took a tissue, wiped away her tears, and blew her nose. She and Joe actually had had a huge fight over Ranger the day they sent out the wedding invitations. Joe'd wanted to invite Ranger to their wedding, and Stephanie said no. Ranger had done enough for her over the years. He'd kissed her on the top of her head and said, "Be happy, Stephanie" the day she'd told him she was going to get married. They had known all along this day would come. She would never be brave enough to embrace his lifestyle. He didn't love her enough to change for her. And the stubborn stupid little girl inside her always wanted Morelli.
"Mommy! She hit me!"
JJ's wailing snaps Stephanie out of her memories. She stands up from the kitchen table and goes into the living room to check on the children. She wishes she knows why they won't stop fighting each other over everything and anything. She stops dead when she sees Joe sitting on the couch, watching TV and drinking his beer as if nothing has happened. The living room floor is a mess. Toys, story books and half-eaten snacks scatter everywhere. Her hot-tempered daughter is frowning. Her shy timid son is crying. And her husband, as usual, is sitting right there and doing nothing. And he has just cheated on her with someone else. Someone who is probably blonde and uses strong cheap perfume. Someone who doesn't have to cook him dinner and wash his clothes. Someone who didn't have to go through hours and hours of labor twice to give birth to his children. Someone who didn't have to sacrifice a part of her life and make compromises. Did they remember to use protection? Is the woman carrying any kind of disease or STD? Did they go back to her place? Or did he take her to a cheap motel?
Rage clouds her vision. Sorrow swells up in her chest. Her son's persistent sobbing tears at her heart. Something snaps within and she finally loses it. Without a word she walks up to her husband, raises a hand and slaps him as hard as she can. She turns around and grabs her bag as he looks up at her with wide stunned eyes. And before Joe Morell's brain recognizes his boiling anger and shocking indignation, Stephanie is already out of the house and in her car. She starts the car and steps on the gas. She doesn't know where she can go or who she can turn to. She only knows that she has to get out of here. She blinks back her tears and lets out a ragged laugh.
She thought she would be happy. But how wrong she was.
Chapter 6: A Night Without Dawn
Chapter 6
A Night Without Dawn
A little part of her dies inside. She vaguely heard the weak fading voice calling for help. She chose to ignore it and say not a word. She stops the car at a red light. She keeps driving forward when the light changes. She hears the loud music from another car. She sees a driver smiles in an empty shabby Ford Fiesta. She knows she can turn back right now. She knows she can out a smile on her face and pretend nothing is wrong. She can hug her kids and make them lunch. She can wrap her arms around Bob and absorb his warmth. She can turn her eyes away when Joe tries to avoid her eyes.
Or maybe Joe won't even bother to put on an act.
Every man cheats once or twice in their life time. It's really not such a big deal. Her mother and mother-in-law will roll their eyes and say she overreacted. Joe will probably insist she's crazy and he did nothing wrong. Her father will concentrate on his pot roast and keep his usual silence. Grandma would believe her and stand by her side if she was still alive. Val, Mary Lou and the rest of her friends will tell her to think of the kids, she's sure of that. "He's a Morelli, Stephanie, what do you expect?" They will raise their brows at her and ask in a kind tone as if she's a pathetic retarded child. And she will have no choice but to swallow her anger and humiliation. She will spend the rest of her life with him even though she will never be able to trust him again. She will sleep in the same bed with him and even start having sex with him again when things cool down. She's a healthy woman. She has needs. But she will always make sure he wears condoms. She may not let him kiss her on her lips.
This is the life she chose. This is the decision she made. This will be the price she has to pay if she wants to keep her family intact. But how long can she keep the truth from her children? How long can she keep lying to herself? She suddenly feels tired. She pulls over in front of a diner. She finds herself a corner table and orders the first item on the menu. She barely has the strength to smile at the friendly looking waitress. She pokes at her food and sips her drink. She tries her best not to stare at the happy families in the diner. She wishes she can stop feeling sad. She used to think her life was a joke. She used to believe she deserved something better. She used to want to be like everyone else. She now has a husband. She now has a dog, two kids, and a three-bedroom house with front and back yards. She cooks. She cleans. She does the laundry and dishes. Her dog is loyal. Her kids are smart and beautiful. Her husband is a hard-working tall dark handsome police detective. She's living the dream life for a lot of simple women. She has everything a woman can possibly want.
All she has to now is let bygones be bygones.
Maybe she was being delusional. Maybe she was seeing, hearing, and smelling imaginary things. Maybe Joe will be willing to forgive her if she apologizes properly. Her babies must be scared right now. They must be crying for their mommy. She has to get back home immediately. She is a mother and a wife. She has duties to fulfill and responsibilities to uphold. She made a sacred vow at the altar. She promised to be a faithful wife no matter what happens. She has already been through divorce once. She doesn't want to face its viciousness and ugliness again. But she's more than certain Joe cheated on her. She doesn't know if she has it in her to forgive and forget. Joe's betrayal is a slap on her face. All the things she has done to please him and make him happy. All the things she has done to please his family and make them happy. All the things she has done to please her mother and make her happy. All the things she has done in the name of love and happiness. Now she can't stop feeling stupid.
Stephanie sits alone inside the diner, stares into space and sees nothing. People around her are laughing and chatting. The aroma of food and coffee fills the air and makes everyone smiling. Quietly she finishes eating and pays her bill. She pushes the door open and steps on the street. She has been here before, she suddenly remembers. Years ago. When Grandma and Rex were both still alive and she was still a bounty hunter. For a late breakfast. With Ranger. And he paid the bill. She starts the car and pulls away from the curb. She had helped him lure a skip out of a bar the night before. Besides her usual fee, he'd also promised to treat her to breakfast. Stephanie looks straight ahead and smiles at the memory. And she almost cries the moment she thinks of Ranger's smiling face and his deep soft voice:
"Proud of you, babe."
Chapter 7: Liar Liar
Chapter 7
Liar Liar
He meets Bob's serene brown eyes and has to turn his face away. He hates feeling like a cheater. He is not a cheater. He made a mistake. It is an one time affair. And he sure as Hell is not the only one to blame. This is definitely not the dream life he used to picture. There was a time when he and Stephanie were both happy and contented. They would share a pizza or enjoy a couple meatball subs. They would drink beer, watch a ballgame on TV, and then have sex. He would make love to her while she was still soundly asleep. He would hook a finger into her collar, whisper something dirty and then peek at her breast. She would laugh and blush. She would moan in her dream. They had everything they needed. That was all they ever needed. He would use her mother as leverage. She would tell him his Grandma was a crazy witch. She would always give in to "Bob misses you", "The boys miss you" and the ever so seductive "Cupcake". But ever since they got married things started to change. She misses her old crazy life. She wants all her old friends back. She doesn't like staying home fulfilling her duties as his wife. She hates his mother, his sister and his whole family. She bitches about everything. She finds fault in everything he does. She's never happy or satisfied.
Sometimes even her children fail to make her smile. And she has lost a lot of her appeal.
So who can blame him for getting tired? Who can blame him for what he did? It takes two to tango, does it not? Sooner or later she will be back. It's not like she has anywhere to go. Her mother will, as always, take his side. Her sister and friends have their own lives. She will worry about the kids. She will worry about Bob. She won't want a divorce. She will come back to him. She will eventually let go. They will move on together. They have to make it work for the sake of the kids. They are both grown up and mature. And truth be told, it's not like they have another choice.
He pats his sobbing son gently on the back. He wipes the child's face clean. He puts the exhausted boy to bed. His little girl won't talk to him. He goes downstairs, watches TV for an hour and drinks another beer. He waits for another hour. Bob is now asleep. The living room floor is still a mess. Toys, story books and half-eaten snacks still scatter everywhere. He thinks about calling Stephanie. He thinks about waking JJ up and making the boy call Stephanie. He feels hungry. He's still angry. He loses his patience. He speed-dials Pino's and places his order. A commercial comes up and all of a sudden he thinks of Tiffany(Or Tammy, or something). He thinks of Terry and then smiles. He misses Terry. He hasn't seen her in ages. He always has a thing for blonde curvy women.
Why the Hell did he end up with Stephanie?
Chapter 8: Fire Dancer
Chapter 8
Fire Dancer
Stephanie leaves the car in the parking lot and walks into the park. She sits down on a bench. The sun is bright and the weather is cheerful. She can hear children laughing and dogs barking from afar. She looks ahead and takes in scenery. The happy relaxed atmosphere around her feels totally unreal. She has no one to call and nowhere to go. Everyone has their own lives and problems. She 's all alone. She's on her own. Mary Lou. Val. Eddie. Carl. Big Dog. She wonders why they are still happily married after all these years. Are they really happy? Or are they just pretending? Do they still love each other? Or do they kiss and make love out of habit? Are children really a plus? Or are they nothing but burden and obligation? She knows she loves her babies with all her heart, so why does she wish she's still single and carefree from time to time? Why does she still have regret and remorse? What's the purpose of her existence? What's the meaning of her life? Being a mother? Being a daughter? Being a wife? Smile on cue? Be pleasant and polite? Learn to accept your limitation and cope with your disappointment like everyone else? She has made her decision and chosen her path. She has taken her mother's advice and picked the road most travelled. And where the Hell she is now? She's lost, she's hurt, and she feels like crying. And she knows perfectly clear her tears won't solve or change anything. Her problems won't go away or disappear. She's still married with two kids.
And her husband has cheated on her.
She knew all along she couldn't be a bounty hunter forever. At some point of time she would have to quit. She needed a better health insurance. She needed some stability in life. She needed money. She needed food and groceries. She was afraid of loneliness. Ranger was like the wind and he didn't do stupid things. And Joe was always there. They were happy once. They shared pizzas and beer. They fought and had made-up sex. They were thrilled to be parents. They thought they finally had their Happily Ever After. How naïve they were. They are too much alike. They are too different. They basically want the same things. They have totally different goals and approaches. Soon Joe lost his patience. She got bored and lost her smile. And then all that was left was the bitterness of everyday life.
"Stephanie? Are you alright?"
She looks up and sees Lucille, Vinnie's wife. She smiles back and tries to think of things to say. The two of them have known each other for years, but they are never really close. Lucille is a mystery to the Plum family. She comes from a very different world. Her father is a well-known mob boss; her mother was the only daughter of a wealthy and respected old Boston family. Nobody knows how Mary O'Hara ended up marrying Harry "The Hammer" Butler. They only know Harry has been grieving his wife's death for more than thirty years. A smile breaks on Stephanie's face as Lucille's pug and poodle look up at her curiously. She bends down to pat the dogs as Lucille sits down next to her. And the question blurts out of her mouth before she has a chance to stop it. Her voice sounds feeble and weak:
"Why do you stay with Vinnie? Why didn't you get a divorce?"
Lucille thinks for a second and turns to face Stephanie. She doesn't appear to be surprised or angry. It seems that she has been expecting this question for a long, long time. "Vinnie is not perfect. But he's not a bad man." She pats Stephanie's hand gently. The tone of her voice is relaxed and pleasant. "He has many faults. He has made a lot of mistakes. He cheats on me all the time. But I am not perfect, either. I too have made many mistakes. I can't give him kids. And no matter what, he always gives me what I want. He always comes back to me. I guess we love each other in our own ways, Stephanie. But it doesn't mean you have to put up with Joe. If that's what you are really asking."
Stephanie widens her eyes in stunned surprise and Lucille simply laughs. "I am not a mind reader. It's just that people keep saying Joe is a Morell, and the Morelli men are not noted for being loyal to their wives. It's in their blood. It's a family curse. Look at Joe's history. Everyone knows about him and Terry. Everyone knows what kind of man he used to be. And we all know the two of you have been having problems for years." Lucille stops and looks at Stephanie straight in the eyes. She's into her fifties. She isn't exactly pretty or attractive. But there's something about her that reminds Stephanie of the young smart beautiful energetic Rozie O'Hara. "Stay with Joe and try to forgive him if you really love him and can't live without him. Stay married for your own sake. Not for your mother. Not for the kids. Not for what everyone else thinks. And if you really can't forgive him, you'd better start planning a future without him before it's too late. Do whatever makes you happy. Your children won't be happy if you are miserable."
Stephanie stays seated on the bench long after Lucille is gone. Her head is a mess. A part of her wants to go back to Bob and the kids and pretend nothing has happened. A part of her wants to slap Joe again and kick him out onto the street. A part of her wants to jump back in the car, drive to the end of the world and leave everything behind. Let Joe worry about Bob. Let Joe take care of the kids. Let Joe wash the dishes, vacuum and mop the floor, do the laundry, and take out the garbage. Let Joe fool around. Let Joe go find the woman he truly wants. Let Joe trick another stupid woman into marriage. Let Joe cheat on her when she puts on some weight and loses her charm. She needs to be happy. She deserves to be happy. She wants to have her life back and be happy. She wants to stop thinking about everyone else. She wants to concentrate on herself. She wants another chance.
She takes a long breath and stands up. She gets back into the car and turns on her cell phone. She's about to start the engine when her phone starts to ring. "Mommy!" She hears her son crying. "Where are you? I'm hungry!" And her heart breaks into little pieces.
Chapter 9: Dangerous Game
Chapter 9
Dangerous Game
Of course he did it on purpose. He's a little greedy. He's a little selfish. He's just another ordinary average man. He doesn't want anything to change. He wants to keep his family intact. He doesn't want too much trouble. He doesn't want any drama. He wants Stephanie to come back, do her job, and take care of the kids. He has an important but sadly under-appreciated job. He has better use of his time. He is a busy man. He sits there watching JJ crying into the phone. He knows Stephanie will be torn. He feels guilty and a little ashamed. But he can't admit what he did. He can't admit that he has cheated on Stephanie. He doesn't want people to look at him and smirk. He doesn't want to hear them say behind his back:"Well, he's a Morelli. What do you expect?" He just wants to put last night behind him. He just wants a hot home-cooked dinner. He just wants to enjoy a relaxed evening. He just wants some peace and quiet. Is that too much to ask?
Alright, he made a stupid, careless mistake. But how much does he have to pay for that? It's but a one-night stand. He doesn't even know that woman's name. And he's pretty sure she has no idea who he is. He's married with two kids. He's a well-respected police detective. He's good at what he does. He seldom gets drunk. He almost never gambles. He has never raised his hand to his wife or kids. He has broken the family curse. He has his share of unfulfilled dreams and longings. He has ambitions and hopes and wishes and fears. He tries not to step out of line. He always follows the rules. So why can't Stephanie just give him a break and pretend everything is just fine and perfect? He deserves to be forgiven. He deserves a second chance. He was lost in a momentary weakness. That's all.
Joe Morelli looks up and meets Rose Maria's soft brown eyes. He knows his precious little princess is still upset when she doesn't return his smile. She's just like Stephanie, he secretly sighs. Stubborn, headstrong, and willful. He already feels sorry for the boys who are going to fall for her. Hopefully she will be smart enough not to follow anyone into some dark dirty garage or give herself to some bad boy on a hard cold floor. He wants his daughter to be happy. He wants her to meet the right kind of boys. He watches JJ put down the phone, his heart aching at the sight of the child's teary face.
"Daddy! I want Mommy!" The boy wails and once again bursts into tears, and it doesn't take long for his sister to join him.
The sky has already darkened. Joe Morelli sits on the couch with his head in his hands. Both his children are crying pitifully. There's no dinner on the table. He has no idea where his wife is. He made a mistake. A fucking small meaningless mistake. How much is he going to pay for it?
Chapter 10: Queen Of Denial
Chapter 10
Queen Of Denial
Stephanie wishes she knows which way to go. The way home is on the right. It is late. She is hungry. She is tired. She's worrying about the kids. She can still hear JJ's tears. She wants to be home. she wants to hug her babies tight. But she doesn't want to give in. She doesn't want to see the triumphant satisfied smile on Joe's face. She doesn't want him to think he won. She doesn't know if she can ever forget and forgive him. She only knows her life will never be the same. She has been cheated on by her husband again. First Dickie. Now Joe. Both times she married for love and a happy life. Both times she ended up being betrayed. She has done her best. She has done all she can. Maybe she has been wrong for all these years: Marriage is just not for her. She is better off alone. She made the same mistake twice. She put her trust in the wrong men. Now she is a mother of two. She can't just walk away from her trainwreck of a marriage again. She is not free anymore. She can no longer fly. She has to think about her children. She has lost her wings. She thinks of Lucille's words. She knows what Lucille said is true. She can't put on a smile and pretend. She has been hurt too deeply. She will want to get revenge. She will pick fights and say hateful things. Joe will lose his temper and fight back.
An unhappy marriage will eventually hurt the kids.
But the kids need their father.
Stephanie is torn. What to do? Which way to go? Go home? Or divorce? The easier and more popular path? Or the more satisfying path? Does she really want a divorce? Is this her anger talking? Is she willing to go through all those troubles? How is she going to afford a lawyer? The house is registered under Joe's name. Can she just kick him out? Can she find another job? What will her mother say? What will Joe's mother say? She doesn't have any proof. She doesn't expect Joe to confess and tell the truth. He will keep on denying everything. He will say she's crazy. He will make it look like she's crazy. Everyone will believe him. Everyone will take his side. He's a cop. He knows that kind of stuff. He has many friends. He knows how to lie.
But he did cheat on her.
He's a Morelli.
It's his family curse...
Maybe it's just a one-time affair? Maybe it's just a stupid mistake? Maybe she overreacted? Maybe he feels regret? Maybe he will never do it again? The kids won't have to go through it. The kids won't be affected. The kids will be happy. Everything will be just the same. Nothing has to change. All she has to do is smile and pretend. Everybody will be happy. She will have to share the same bed with him. She will have to share the same bed with that faceless woman. The three of them will sleep together. Every night. For the rest of her life. The three of them will wake up together. Every morning. For the rest of her life. They will share the bathroom. They will shower together. They will eat on the same table. They will sit on the same couch watching the same movie and the same ball game. She will always see her in Joe's eyes. She will always sense her existence in their everyday life. She will always be there. She will never ever go away. There will always be doubts. There will no longer be trust.
Can she live with that?
Would she rather die?
Can her children be happy if she is miserable?
Can their family stay intact when everything is wrong and every smile is false?
Will Joe cheat on her again?
Can she forgive and forget?
Can she live with herself?
Can she stay sane?
Is this the life she wants? Is this the life she deserves? Where's the love? Where's the happiness? What happened to the vows? Where did all this loneliness come from? Is this how you feel when your heart breaks? What should she do? Where can she go? Once again Stephanie breaks down and cries. She cries for her kids. She cries for her life. She cries for her memories. She cries for herself. She cries for all the men she once loved. She cries for the man she still loves. She cries in remorse. She cries in regret. She cries in pain. She cries in ache. She ignores her phone. She ignores the world. She wishes she can turn back the clock. She wishes she can undo her mistakes.
But deep down within, she knows they are but empty wishes. They don't mean a thing.
Chapter 11: Lonely Road
Chapter 11
Lonely Road
"Stephanie?"
Someone taps at the window and Stephanie recognizes the familiar voice. She looks up and sees through tears Lula's smiling worried face. She hasn't seen Lula for weeks. They chat on phones every once in awhile, talking aimlessly about kids, pets, and other everyday stuff. Lula and Tank got married four years ago. A year later they adopted a child and named him after Tank's Grandpa George. They now live in a newly developed nice and safe neighborhood; their house is HUGE and has a fenced in backyard. At the beginning Lula had to take allergy shots for cats on a regular basis, and then one day she just woke up and stopped being allergic to cats. Up to today, nobody is really sure what happened, so everyone just categorizes it as a medical miracle. The last time they talked, Lula told her they were thinking about adding a little girl to their big happy family, and Stephanie felt so happy for her friend. Lula is currently sporting a Michelle Obama hairdo. Nicki Minaj pink, of course. She has quit her job at the bonds office and is now a full-time mom, and motherhood becomes her. Tank is a good husband. Little George loves cats and adores his Daddy, and who knows Tank is also such a great cook.
"Is there something wrong, White Girl?" Lula's voice is gentle and full of concern. "What are you doing here by yourself at this hour?"
Stephanie takes a ragged breath and tries to smiles as she thinks of the adventures the two of them shared, but there's no way she can hide her tears. She wants to keep all her problems to herself. But she also wants to have a shoulder to cry on. Tank and Lula had a small intimate wedding. The ceremony was lovely and the food and music were great. Stephanie knows most of the guests. It's the first time she saw Ranger and Rozie together. They looked so perfect together that her heart shattered a little bit more. She always thought Ranger would stay single forever. She always thought there wouldn't be anyone else like her in Ranger's life. Rozie's younger and smarter than she is. Rozie's also prettier and a better bounty hunter. And Ranger actually laughed softly at her joke. Stephanie had to turn her face away quickly before her tears escaped. She went to the wedding alone. She and Joe were going through yet another rough patch at that time, and all the anger, sorrow, regrets and stress were choking her. She nearly broke apart when she saw the sympathy and understanding in Connie's eyes.
Connie still remains single. She has gone through several boyfriends and decides it's better to be single and happy. And of all her families, friends and acquaintances, Connie's the one who understands Stephanie's dilemma the most. She knows Joe and the Morellis well. Too well.
"Joe didn't come home last night. He cheated on me. I smelled her perfume when he came back in the morning." The words blurt out on their own. Stephanie suddenly feels tired and fragile. She's hurting. She's stupid and pathetic. She's crying and bleeding inside. She should have known a long time ago. She should have foreseen this day. But instead she chose to build her life upon impractical dreams and false expectations. She gave in. She caved. Now her worst nightmare has come true. She got what she deserves. She's married with two kids. Her in-laws are a nasty handful. She has just gotten cheated on. She's unhappy with herself and everything in her life. She needs to run away from all of this or she will die of this unbearable pain. "I want a divorce."
"Oh my God! That cheating rat bastard!" Lula screeches in fury and holds Stephanie's hand tightly. "I'm so gonna kill him with my own hands! I'll kick his hairy ass!"
"I want a divorce." Stephanie hears herself saying amid broken sobs as Lula hugs her through the car window. She wants to get her life back. She wants to get her smile and happiness back. She wants to get herself back. She misses her friends. She misses her old life. She misses all the fun she used to have. But most of all, she misses Ranger and his almost smile. She knows she's a mother now. She has responsibilities to her children. She needs to protect them and take the best care of them. But she can't keep on living like this. Not anymore. "I want a divorce."
Chapter 12: True Colors
Chapter 12
True Colors
"Joe, don't make things worse." Eddie Gazarra's voice sounds tired and calm. Nobody likes to be caught in between, but he doesn't have a choice. Stephanie is not only his wife's cousin but also a very good friend of his. Divorce is never a pretty sight and things almost always end up ugly. He really doesn't want to see anyone, especially the children, get hurt. He has to help.
"I know the house is in your name. But she's still your wife and the kids need their mother. You can't just kick her out." You're the one who cheated, you bastard. Gazarra silently adds. He hasn't seen any proof but he believes Stephanie. He knows how hard she's been struggling to make things work. She wouldn't lie about this. And Joe is, well, a Morelli. They all know it's just a matter of when. He wasn't even surprised when he received Lula's call.
"Just go, okay? Find somewhere to stay and let things cool down for a couple days. You both need time to think. You will find a way to work things out." Gazarra says in his most reasonable voice. Behind him his partner, a newbie from Hoboken, keeps his silence and watches on a bit nervously. They can all hear the kids crying upstairs. Bob the Dog keeps whimpering. Stephanie is crying, too. They can also hear Lula walk around upstairs like a tigress guarding her young.
Lula has lost her fear for cops and police stations over the years. She accompanied Stephanie home and immediately intervened when Morelli lost his temper and said things that shouldn't be said. She stepped between the two of them, called 911 to report domestic violence, and then called her husband. And the two RangeMan cars arrived before Gazarra and his partner did. Now all the neighbors are watching and straining to hear and the words are out. Soon it will become a circus and things will get out of hand quickly if they are not careful. "Come on, Joe. You're scaring the children." Gazarra says as he thinks of a younger happier Stephanie.
She used to believe in love and magic. She used to smile and laugh a lot. She used to dream. She used to be happy. His wife likes her. His kids loves her. He has no idea what went wrong. It seems that something terrible and unknown has sucked her life away and drained her happiness. She's not the Stephanie he used to know. She's full of anger, full of sadness, full of frustration, and full of regrets. And he wants to make things right and help her to be happy again. He wants to see her roll her eyes and shrug it off when people make fun of her. He wants to see her stand up from where she fell. He wants to see her square her shoulders and keep going forward with her chin up. He hates to hear her cry. He hates to see her tears. He wants to punch Morelli in the face and kick him in the balls. But he has to suppress his anger and fulfill his duty as a law enforcement officer.
Joe Morelli clenches his fists and jaw and takes a deep breath. Lula appears at the bottom of the stairs with two duffel bags and drops them on the floor. Gazarra says as his young partner holds the door wild open. "Come on, Joe. Don't make things worse." JJ is still crying. People are still watching. Morelli runs a hand through his hair, picks up the bags and walks out of the door.
"I'll get someone to change the locks." Lula takes out her phone and says to no one in particular as Morelli's car pulls away. "You guys want some coffee or something to eat? I'm so hungry I can eat a whole Elephant. The kids are hungry, too."
Her cool practicalness makes Eddie Gazarra smile. "Sure, if that's not too much bother."
Chapter 13: Troubled Water
Chapter 13
Troubled Water
"Stephanie." Helen Plum sighs into the phone and tries her best to keep her voice even and calm as she feels a headache building behind her eyes. "What were you thinking? You are a mother now. You have to think about your family and put them first. Your children need their father. Do you understand? Don't make a fuss out of nothing. You have a life ahead of you. Don't throw it away like the last time. Joe is a good man. I'm sure there must be some mistake."
And even if it's not a mistake, Joe is a Morelli, and the Morellis don't do divorce. Stephanie will always be the rightful and only Mrs. Joseph A. Morelli and the wedding ring will stay on her hand. The other woman is just an one-night stand, an one-time fling. She doesn't mean anything. She's nothing. Men all cheat. But at the end of the day, they all come back to their wives and kids. Well, most of them. It's not such a big deal, really. If it's not completely broken, don't fix it. Frank hasn't always been faithful to her. He met a woman in Vietnam and drifted away for a while. But here they are, still happily married after all these years, and that Asian woman is nothing but ancient history and a faraway faded memory. Just keep your mouth shut and keep your husband fed. They will come back to you eventually. They all did. Besides, Stephanie is not perfect. She has made some mistakes along the way. You can't blame Joe for feeling frustrated.
"Mother, I can't talk right now. I've got to go." Stephanie says into the phone and tries to hold back her tears. What did she expect from her mother exactly? She knew what her mother would say. She knew what her mother-in-law and sisters in-law would say. She knew Bella would call first thing in the morning to gave her the Eye. She knew Joe would deny everything and make her look like a crazy bitch. She knew her children would be scared. But still she made the decision. She had no other choice. She can't live in a lie. She deserves better than this. She deserves happiness. She will be lying if she says she's not scared. She didn't sleep much last night; she kept thinking of the worst possible scenarios; she couldn't and still can't stop worrying about the grim future ahead. Where can she find a good lawyer? How can she afford a good lawyer? What if Joe loses it and does something stupid and extreme? What if she doesn't get the custody of the children? She hasn't worked in ages. Can she find a job now? Can she support herself and the kids? And all she wants is her own mother's support. Or some comfort. Or a kind word. Or a little understanding. Is that too much to ask?
"I don't know what you saw in Joe." Valerie takes a sip of her coffee and quietly says. She came over in the morning with breakfast and pies, and right now Albert and the girls are watching a Disney movie with JJ and Rose Maria in the living room. "Yes, he's good-looking and attractive, but he's a Morelli. And the Morelli men are not husband material. They never are. Look at his father and uncles. Look at his brother and cousins. They are charming and fun to be with. They know how to talk you out of your panties. And they cheat. They all cheat. I don't know why you are always so obsessed with him. Mom warned you about him. Shirley warned you about him. I warned you about him. But you followed him to his father's garage anyway. You let him in after the bakery was closed. You hooked up with him after you got divorced. You couldn't stop fighting with him. You kept going back to him. You couldn't live under the same roof with him for over three months. And then you chose to marry him.
"Don't let what Mom said get to you if you have already made up your mind. She will get over it sooner or later. It's your life. Albert knows a couple divorce lawyers. I can ask around too if you want." Valerie reaches over the kitchen table and takes hold of Stephanie hand. "Just make sure this is what you really want. We both know divorce is a torture. Not only for us, but for the kids, too. It's not too late. There's still time. You can forgive him and take him back. You can give him and yourself another chance if you still love him. Whatever your decision is, I'll stand by your side. You are not alone."
Stephanie tries to smile but instead her eyes tear up. She took off her wedding when she woke up this morning. She couldn't help staring at the ring of paler skin. The promise of happiness. The vow of loyalty. The shattering of a sweet impossible dream. No. Everything won't be okay. Everything has changed. What's the point taking Joe back if she can no longer trust him? She and Joe have known each other for ages, but sometimes she thinks she doesn't really know him. And right now at this moment, she's not even sure if she really loves him. She suddenly feels like she has been chasing after a shadow. She has been fantasized by an illusion. Everything is a lie. Nothing is real. And she doesn't wanna live this way. Not anymore.
"Thanks, Val." Stephanie croaks. Her sister is right. It's her life. Not anyone else's. She has made up her mind, and there will be no turning back.
Chapter 14: Lights Out
Chapter 14
Lights Out
Joe Morelli stares at the divorce papers in his hand. Child support. Custody. Alimony. And she wants the house, too. His house. He lets out a sharp bark of laughter, his face contorting a little bit. Wake up, Cupcake. Life is no fairy tale. Does she think he's that stupid? Is she mad, delusional, or what? He has been staying with his mother for the past two months. He has been trying very hard to give her space and time to cool down. He has been trying his best to refrain himself. He has done everything he can. But still she wants a divorce. She wants his house and she has already changed the locks. He can't even enter his own house or take his own children out for ice cream or pizza without her permission. And she got herself a lawyer in no time at all. A lawyer from a fancy law firm in Manhattan, as a matter of fact. Where did she find the lawyer? How can she afford a lawyer? How is she going to pay the bill? Where is she going to get the money? Who is she going to borrow from? Well, silly question. It's quite obvious, isn't it?. Who else but her rich old friend? Her mentor. Her Men of Mystery. Her Batman. What makes her think he'll sign the divorce papers? What make her think he's not ready to fight in court? He has done nothing wrong. Nothing. Nothing that can be proved, anyway.
"I'm not going to sign this shit." He tosses the divorce papers onto the table with a thud and narrows his eyes at Stephanie's imbecile of a brother-in-law. Albert the Clown blinks nervously and pales immediately. They both think of the time when Morelli pulled out his gun, pointed it at Kloughn and ordered him to shut up. Ah, the good old days. He allows himself a small smile as the thin bald middle-aged bored-looking lawyer from the Big Apple takes a stack of photos out of a manila envelope and push them across the table.
"You may want to rethink your choice, Mr. Morelli." The lawyer says in a surprisingly pleasant voice. However, his smile never reaches his pale green eyes. "Take your time."
Joe Morelli flicks through the photos and turns pale. The photos are of him and that curvy blonde woman. He still can't remember her name. They were kissing and touching each other in the bar's parking lot. They were kissing and undressing each other at the entrance of her apartment building. He was leaving the apartment building in broad daylight. They were kissing, laughing at the camera, and having sex with different positions at the same time. His vision becomes a blur as the not at all shark-like lawyer calmly continues:
"It seems that you and Miss Sinclair agreed to take some intimate pictures as keepsakes that night, Mr. Morelli. Of course we can take this to court and let the judge decide, but why waste everybody's time and money? Let's keep it simple and get it over with. We have to think of the children, don't you agree, Detective?"
Joe Morelli clenches his jaw and fists as his eye starts to twitch. He wants to fight. He hates losing. He's never afraid to take his chances. So he cheated on Stephanie. So what? It's just an one-night stand, an one-time fling. It doesn't mean anything. That woman, Tiffany or Tammy or Amy Sinclair, is nothing. Every man cheats. They all cheat. his father cheated on his mother. His uncles cheated on his aunts. His elder brother Anthony can't stop cheating on his poor wife even if they all know he truly loves her. It's not such a big deal. Anthony always goes back to his wife and kids. They all did. The other women will become nothing but ancient history and faraway faded memories. And it wasn't all his fault. He's not the only one to blame. Stephanie is not perfect, either. She, too, has made tons and tons of stupid mistakes. But she has never ever cheated on him. She took her wedding vows seriously. She has been betrayed once before and she never gets over it.
He keeps his eyes away from Albert Kloughn. And as if on cue Albert swallows audibly and timidly says: "Joe, please don't make things worse. Think of JJ. Think of Rose Maria. Think of Stephanie. She loved you. She chose you. She trusted you. They all trusted you. Stop hurting Stephanie. Give her a chance to move on and heal. Maybe one day she will be able to forgive you. It's the best way to make up for your mistake. You broke your wedding vows. You have to pay the price. You betrayed her trust. It's only fair. Please."
The tense uncomfortable silence drags on for a couple minutes. Joe Morelli looks up toward the ceiling and wonders how Albert affords an office like this. Maybe he's actually a better lawyer than people think? Maybe he really is talented and good at what he does for a living? Or maybe he's just lucky? He grasps hold of the pen and signs the divorce papers without further thinking. He pushes back the chair, stands up, and leaves. He doesn't want his kids to think of him as the bad guy. He remembers how much he wanted to prove to the world he wasn't like his father. He once believed he had broken the family course. He won the girl and achieved his dreams. He lost the girl and now his dreams are busted. He just wants to be happy. He just made a simple foolish mistake. He just couldn't bring himself to get down on his knees and beg for her forgiveness. He has his pride and she's not perfect.
He gets into his car and starts the engine. He raises his hands to grab hold of the wheel and freezes as his eyes fall on his wedding ring. Suddenly he feels like crying. He just wants to be happy. Is that too much to ask?
Chapter 15: Falling Stars
Chapter 15
Falling Stars
The disappointment in Helen Plum's eyes is driving Stephanie crazy.
She now works part-time at Albert and his associate's office. She really likes her job as secretary and receptionist. The money is not that much, but she gets to leave the house and meet people. In more than one way it reminds her of her life as a bounty hunter. Most Saturday mornings Joe will show up at her door at 9:00 sharp to take Rosa Maria and JJ out for the day. He pays child support and alimony on time and spoils the kids with ice cream, soda, pizza, and cupcakes. And sometimes when the weather is nice, he will take Bob with them, and Stephanie will spend the day on her own. She has been cut off by the Morelli family. But that's OK. She never really likes them to begin with. She recently bought a Kindle and downloaded a lot of free or bargain books. She enjoys reading and loves her new-found freedom. From time to time she gets together with Connie and Lula. Every Friday evening she brings the kids to her parents' for dinner.
Her parents' house is quieter than it used to be. Her father never talks much, and Grandma Mazur's absence is still deafening even after all these years. Stephanie miss Grandma terribly. She doesn't know how to make her mother understand. Of course she knows life is not a game. Of course she knows life is not easy. She's not stupid or naïve. No one can say Joe is a lousy father, but nothing can ever change the fact that he cheated on her. No, they are never getting back together. Not even for the sake of the children. Especially for the sake of the children. Some things can't be forgiven. Some things can't be forgotten. And she's not interested in finding another man. She's done with marriage. She's done with relationship. Right now she just wants to concentrating on being a mother. She needs to take good care of her children. She needs to take good care of Bob. She needs to take good care of herself. She's in her forties. She's no longer young. She has done plenty of stupid things. She has made too many painful mistakes. She has wasted too much time. Now she just wants to rebuild and restart her life. She wants to be happy. She knows she deserves to be happy. She knows she made the right decision. She knows she's doing the right thing. But still the resigned look in her mother's eyes makes her sad and a little bit mad.
She wishes she can find a way to make Helen understand. She wishes she can tell Helen what she thinks and how she feels. But she's afraid that as soon as she opens her mouth to speak, she will burst into tears. She needs to stay strong. She doesn't want to show her weakness in front of the kids. She hates feeling helpless. And she has a feeling that no matter how hard she tries, her mother will never ever understand. They may be mother and daughter, but they are too different, and never want the same things. And Joe never apologizes for what he did. He acts as if she's a mad woman and he doesn't owe her anything. They barely even talk.
Stephanie pours some gravy on top of the mashed potatoes and starts eating. She listens half-heartedly to the conversation around the table. All her kids and nieces love their Grandma's cooking. Frank is very happy with the pot roast. Albert and Val are thinking about buying a bigger house. Mary Alice has a new boyfriend. JJ can't wait for the baseball season to begin: Joe has promised to take him to a Yankees game. Both Helen and Rosa Maria are exceptionally quiet tonight. The little girl is still struggling to learn to cope with the changes in her life. Stephanie can't help feeling a bit guilty about it.
C'est la vie. A little voice in Stephanie's head silently says as she looks up from her plate and meets her mother's eyes. Embrace the changes. Stay true to yourself. Don't dwell in the past. So she swallows the sudden sadness and gives her mother a brave tiny smile. It's her life. It's her decision. It's her happiness. It's her choice. She has chosen to let go. She has chosen to move on. She has chosen to be her own master. Whether her mother approves or not.
She's no longer Stephanie Morelli. She's Stephanie Plum.
~The End~
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